I've heard the concern that, in lots of life, but marketing and dating specifically, there is a convergence of signalling, people vetting each other by looking for the specific and benign clues to who they are. So even people looking solely for casual sexual encounters will end up texting for weeks, sharing Instagram accounts and Spotify playlists and memes and other generally irrelevant stuff. The delay is probably for the best, without any communication, how would you even communicate that you want something transactional? And honestly, I think most people want the option to explore a deeper relationship anyway, and this leaves the door open to that, so it suits their needs pretty well.

But I think there are a lot of people who care about real commitment and honesty, deep connection, and longer time horizons, who will trade optionality away to someone they deeply trust and seek to cultivate trust, and, most importantly, look to build connections as opposed to finding some statistically perfect match for a transaction. In this case, the convergent signals sort of stink – they rule out psychopaths (barely, and only sometimes), but lack real vulnerability, and share nothing about the person.

If you are willing to give up the relentless search for approval, and instead start the unending but perhaps more fun building of trust, might I recommend a deeply divergent strategy?

Might you consider writing a blog?

Without a prompt, or conversational currents to guide you, actual points of view can be shared. Not always literally, through the content of the post, but through the lens you use to choose topics and approach them.

More people should hit the "Continue The Conversation!" buttons here. It sends me an email. I read them all (or, I presume gmail blocks some spam, but I certainly intend to read all the emails). But even if you didn't, this would serve as a glimpse into my mind. The times when I worry for others. When I'm in a panic (often enough, in this pandemic). How I'd like my future to be. I can't help but think any reader would be a good friend, and isn't that the point? To develop an actual friendship, instead of just seeing what you can get out of it?

The slightly odd part is how almost everything outside of the first paragraph really does apply to marketers too, and there's no point in avoiding a commitment to the community built around customers to a small business. It's a classic, pro-social thing to do. And yet even corporate blogs have become convergent in many ways. Perhaps I need to write more daring things, to get in the habit of avoiding those signals.